It all started in 2014, when my life was never the same. It began when I came home from work and felt an out-of-body experience. After work, I took my youngest daughter to a movie night at her school. Then I went home. I fell asleep. Then when I woke up, all I could hear were sirens and my back severely hurting. Then someone was trying to get to me in the corner of my bed.
Once I was pulled out, at this time I felt dazed. All I remember was someone calmly talking to me, asking my birthday, name, year. Then explaining I had a seizure.
When I was transported to the hospital, I was in one of the rooms for evaluation. With my father in there, I told my father I have to go to the restroom. When I got up, I peed all over the floor. The doctor stated that it was normal after a seizure. I explained about how severe my back was hurting at that time.
My results were in — I fractured my back from falling out of my bed during the seizure. Along with it, it was confirmed that I had a seizure, along with traumatic brain injury from it.
After being sent home, I was referred to a neurologist who had my license revoked for 6 months along with temporary disability. During this time I lost my job with the school district in the Autism program. I couldn’t lift children anymore.
Then, one year later, I had another grand mal in October — same month, one year apart. At this time they kept me in the hospital for 2 days. When I was released, my mom asked me to stay at their home in case I have a seizure, so I did.
That night I heard someone yelling, “Help me.” When I went into my parents’ bedroom, my mom was lying on the floor crying for help. I immediately got my dad. In minutes, she stopped breathing. Two days later we had to pull life support.
Still until this day, I blame myself. Was she under so much stress seeing me have a grand mal and falling to the floor and stressing her out? From healthy mom to a mom who just passed away in days. I always felt it was my fault.
After months, I decided to try and take some classes to help me change jobs. During the time off, I was taking courses to train the brain and to find an office job. Also, the programs accommodated me for my disability.
After completing a business course, I got a job that entailed computer work and data processing. I lasted 6 months and was let go due to job performance from the processing on computers. Then I took time off and found another job within 6 months — same problem of computer processing, remembering different programs. Due to my right side of the brain being damaged from the seizures.
I have been through 4 jobs, which all of them I was let go within 6 months. When I went to my neurologist, he said that my neurons in my brain are not connecting from past seizures.
At this point of my life, I needed help with life. I thought I’m never going to succeed in life from this disability. I won’t be a burden on family due to disability. I want to wake up from a nightmare and see my mom again.
I hated my seizures, my life. I’m never going to get anywhere or become anything in life. I went from being a normal person, working a good job, loss of husband who couldn’t handle my seizures, to loss of employment that I was at for 15 years, loss of mom — just loss of life due to these seizures.
Going out of town, surfing event, which was my happy stress reliever — I feel seizures ruined my life.
Today, I still try to cope with my everyday life. Now they turned into absence seizures. But every day, I still try and never give up.